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Rantings of The Human Stain
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Phaedra's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, May 3rd, 2014
5:46 pm
clothing questions, also stolen :)
A) What accessories do you wear everyday?

I have 0g eyelets, and I always wear a nose ring.  I have no more studs that are small and cute, I need to buy some more.  Sometimes I wear my wedding ring, but not always.  In winter, its rather loose on my finger, and I'm afraid of losing it.  So, instead, I frequently wear a ring that belonged to my grandmother.  Its silver, and pretty badass, fits on my middle finger.  In Germany, its very popular to wear scarves, every woman wears huge infinity scarves, so I've collected quite a few.  It's a cheap way to spruce up an outfit.  So…I don't really wear necklaces much anymore because there's no point if you can't see it, right?  Maybe in summer, and I'd also like to get some new 0g spirals, my favorite pair broke, but it's not so important atm.

B) What is your beauty routine?

Well, I need to get some more dermologica face wash.  I can't just go to a store here and buy it.  I use it to dry out my poor face, I have good skin, but its very oily, and now it is always breaking out.  I can't find proper face wash here in germany.  I like burt's bees make up remover.  Generally for work, I do my eyebrows, I always have to do that, they are very light. I use mac paint, flesh toned on my eyes, and mascara.  very easy, takes 5 mins…i only wear other make up if i'm going out on the weekends.

C) What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased?

Well, I just exchanged a silk dress that I bought for one of a different color - its a lovely beige color with flowers, sounds lame, but its very pretty and elegant.  I went shopping last weekend because it was my birthday, and got some new dresses.  Unfortunately, it was too cold to wear a silk dress to the wedding i went to last night.

D) Do you use a dresser, closet, or both?

Closet.  I have no choice. ;)  The closet is a built in closet in our bedroom.  Daniel finally fixed it up maybe two months ago.  His dad originally built it, but he did a shoddy job, and the doors were crooked, and poorly made.  :-/ But Daniel also built me an underwear drawer! :D

E) What type of earrings are in your ears right now?

My 0g eyelets.  I wear them everyday.

F) What type of figure do you have?

Petite, skinny...

G) Do you wear glasses?

Only at home, the prescription is really old, and I need new ones, but I also need new contacts.  Guess which I'll get first...

H) What type of handbag do you carry?

Its a hard leather black purse, not for over the shoulder, which is why I've also considered getting a new one, but its definitely not a priority.  And since I'm always traveling for work, I always have my berlin should bag as well, i carry my book, and food in it.

I) What is your ideal style?

Hmmm, hard question because I really like a bit of everything.  And I can be a bit all over the place…what I don't like is really preppy clothing, which is very popular here...

J) What is your favorite brand of jeans?

I don't like jeans….I always wear leggings.  I have one pair that i love and they are from Target :D  But unfortunately they are dying…I can't wear them to work.

K) Do you wear knee-high stockings?

No, and who does? No one…plus they are uncomfortable….thigh high stockings were a necessity with garters, when i was in my twenties.  I don't get to play dress up anymore :(

L) Do you have to wear matching lingerie?

I don't have to wear anything i don't want to??? I don't have any sassy lingerie.  I told my husband if he wants me to wear some, he can buy it for me. :)

M) Do you wear makeup?

Yes, previously mentioned.  If i go out - eyeliner, and eyeshadow - i like olive green because it makes my eyes look amazing, or some sort of steel gray...

N) Do you wear nightgowns?

No, I steal my husbands tshirts to wear, he has more tshirts than i did in america.  when you are touring, you always get free band shirts.

O) What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winter's day?

I have a long feather down jacket.  Its fucking cold here in winter.  Gets down into your bones, i need to not feel it.  its like wearing a god damn sleeping bag, but at least i am not cold.

P) What is your favorite perfume?

I hardly wear perfume.  i do like BPAL of course, my old roommate would give me all the ones she couldn't wear.  she liked to smell like fruit, or cake.  so i got all the earthy smelling ones from her, with patchouli, lavender (which is always a favorite), clove, myrrh, frankincense, etc.

Q) Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories?

Definitely, quality materials, nicely made, it makes all the difference if you want it to last.  i must say thats more my opinion about boots, jackets, and dresses.  leggings and work clothes, as long as its cotton, i will just wear them until they are stretched out or faded and full of holes…h&m is perfect for that.

R) Do you wear rain boots?

no, yucky.  i don't understand why they should even be a fashion statement.  but i must get some for the upcoming festivals this summer.  if it rains all weekend, the festivals turn into gigantic mud pits.

S) Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold?

socks, i don't have slippers.  also daniels grandmother makes amazing wool socks.

T) Do you travel with a lot of luggage?

i try not to.  usually one big suitcase and my purse.  when i go back to the states in may, i am considering buying a gigantic suitcase to bring back more clothes and shoes that i would like to have here.  means i wouldn't have to buy things here, when i can just bring them back with me.

U) What is your daily uniform?

boots, leggings, scarf, dress, sweater.

V) If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair?

i didn't wear a wedding dress, so no veil.  i did my hair myself which was a big mistake because it was so hot here, and i was nervous and sweating.  the curls wouldn't stay in.  learned my lesson, not doing that again.

in america, i will get my hair done, and my nails and make up too.  i will also not be wearing a veil in america either.

W) Do you wear a watch?

no, i did in high school.  i don't see the point, i have my cell phone on me at all times.  so does everyone else these days, but somehow watches are extremely popular in germany.

X) What item of clothing always makes you feel beautiful?

a nice fitting black dress, and i mean any black dress, any style, that just fits correctly.

Y) What is your favorite type of yarn?

the kind thats not itchy…hahaha.  i don't knit or anything, so i can't answer that.

Z) Do you prefer zippers or buttons?

zipperrrrrssss.  how would a heavy metal vest look with buttons????
Friday, May 10th, 2013
9:28 am

Still dealing with the idiots from city of Alexandria. Got another car tax letter stating they want something else other than what I sent them. Possibly.

Good god, can you please fuck off? Seriously.

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
3:08 pm
Week 3.

School is going better these days. I find German to be grammatically not difficult to understand most of the time. But people speak too fast for me to understand outside of class, and on the television too.

Daniel and I will try to speak German for a couple hours a day. It wasn't very successful so far. I am not at a point where I can talk very well. I can talk in class, but that's different. I can't say how long it will take me to say more than a few things. I'm curious to see where I'll be in one month, two months...3 months before I return to America for the holidays.

I'm doing the best I can to adjust here. I went to my first authentic Octoberfest last night. It was really cool, but I ended up feeling super overwhelmed and it was the first time I really felt "culture-shock" in my life. I talked with Daniel some about the pressure he's putting on me regarding speaking and driving. Im not angry with him, but man...it's been difficult. I have gotten so overwhelmed that I've cried so much lately. And this morning I felt so bad about it.

I don't even know how to describe it.

Of course, I am not unhappy all the time. School has given me something to focus on, and that's helped a lot. Daniel and I are happy together, and have nothing to argue about. We have never really had a fight about anything. And I can't imagine what we would fight about...of course I don't have a big head about it...but I think that's great.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Wednesday, September 19th, 2012
1:22 pm
So far

I've been here in Fulda for 4 days. Mostly adjusted to the time difference. Not so much anything else. It's a strange feeling.

It seems like so many of my friends think this was an easy decision for me. In some ways it's very simple, others it's not. The reason why I'm here is simple. Everything else is not.

Daniel has been trying to teach me how to drive a manual car. It's not going so well. Not that I expected it to be easy. His car is a diesel ford focus station wagon. Haaa. Yesterday he took me to a driving school but it was closed, so we tried to drive up and down a remote mountain road. I can't reverse very well, and I can't really drive any faster than 22, can't turn around on hills. I really overheated the clutch trying to turn around on a hill. On Friday, we're taking lessons from a driving teacher. Well, I am, but Daniel has to be there too because I can't speak German. Of course.

We went to the auslanderbeherder (visa for auslander/auslanderin) yesterday morning. It was scary as fuck. The lady we spoke with was extremely rude and unfriendly. She was totally offended that I don't speak German yet, and extremely rude about why I came here. She told daniel that we should have applied for a visa before I arrived, but that's not what he was told over the phone. Yeah...kein problem. So I felt really awkward and had a pit in my stomach after that. We will find out something next week.

I start my German lessons next week. I guess his dad or mom will be driving me to the school because I can't do that.

There's a lot I can't do right now. It feels strange. I don't feel homesick. I'm sure I will, but it's more about being comfortable than missing anyone at the moment.

I'll have to post more thoughts later.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, August 12th, 2011
10:25 am
Thoughts on various stuff

I have a lot of dance costuming to put together. Since joining the new troupe I will need to put at least 3 different costumes together. I think I have bit and pieces, but not a whole!

I have been feeling lately regarding dance and have had this opinion for sometime, but I am really not trying to reinvent the wheel. I don't care to be original in every sense of the word, and I feel like I have my own style. But we all derive our personal styles from other people in the first place. I don't want to try too hard to be different because I think I already am. Being original doesn't make you a better dancer. Being a good dancer does! Costuming isn't everything, but it is what people look at first. But how many times have I seen an amazing costume on an unconfident dancer? So yeah...

My hornet sting is healing well and I didnt have to take all of the steroids. Thank something! Because I would be incredibly tired and cranky right now!

But I did have to go to the doctors this week for a different infection and am now on antibiotics which sucks, but oh well. I am a little concerned that they will mess with my guts, but so far so good. Probiotics and Greek yogurt ftw!

Some interesting developments in the dude dept, but nothing to be super excited about. Will maybe post about that later.

Practice got moved to Sunday which I'm extremely excited about because I get to go see Pentagram tonight. I am quite fond of their music. And then Saturday I'm going to a metal girls night at my friends place. She has a hot tub. :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
10:59 am
It's over...for now

My unpleasant testing is over. Now the waiting begins. The only thing left on my list is to make a follow up appointment with my doctor. Which I'm going to wait to do until after I hear back from him about the pictures of my small intestine.

I have done some research on crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis. My moms brother has ulcerative colitis. My mom is riddled with intestinal problems, and my dad and his brother both have hiatal hernias like I do. Ulcerative colitis is possibly heredity, and smokers are more likely to get crohn's disease. Crohn's disease can be caused by intestinal bacterial infections. Which is likely that I had last year and treated with probiotics. I got the bacterial infection possibly from antibiotics, but since no testing was done, it's just speculation from the information I have available.

Otherwise I can't fret and worry about what's going to happen constantly because it just won't get me anywhere. It's not likely that I'm in a worst case scenario.

What I have been thinking about most is how this is all going to affect my everyday life. If I have crohn's disease, I am going to have to make some extreme changes. No smoking, alcohol, coffee, sweets, bleached flour (pasta, white bread), no dairy. Well, there goes the three things I do to relax - smoke, have a beer or coffee.

But I speculate. I really can't know, it's for me to find out.

At any rate, I plan on doing some more cleaning. I bought a full spectrum LED desk lamp for sewing, and the blanket/sham set I've been admiring and it was $27.99. Thankyouverymuch Target! And when I get paid I can get new sheets!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Sunday, July 10th, 2011
10:34 pm
Long days ahead

So I start my jello/liquid diet tomorrow for the evil camera pill. I also can't smoke. I thought I was going to be able to chew nicorette, but I think that's probably off the list too. I am unsure if I should get some patches??

I am going to be cranky and short tempered. Aaaand tired. But I guess there's not much I can do.

I got my blood work done on Friday at the hospital so that takes two weeks to process...

After swallowing the camera capsule, I also can't drink anything for 4 hours.

I had a productive weekend and got tons of cleaning done and my room is almost put back together from the re-painting/mold disaster. It was a great opportunity for me to throw away or give away things I don't need, and old clothing. My closet is totally slammin'! Lol!

I also plan to get rid of the old disgusting carpet in my room. Its dry rotted, dusty, and ew! So I picked that up (sort of man-handled it really) and vacuumed and swiffered the floor. Oh my god! What a difference! The carpet is not mine really to begun with, it was there when I moved in. My old dusty apartment doesn't have wall-to-wall carpet like most do. You have to provide your own.

It is also time that I revamp my room. I have new artwork to be framed, and it's time that I get a new blanket and sheets for my bed. I'm thinking monochrome. Gray, black, white, and some burgundy. Yay!

It will be a long term project.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Monday, June 20th, 2011
9:05 pm

I found out via email today that a bunch of people in my office got promotions. But not me, again. I have been with my company for a little over three years. Of course I have had some raises, but nothing significant.

One of my coworkers has decided to train me in lighting and electrical design. Which is great of course, and he put together a workforce development plan for me (my company doesn't officially do plans like that). He presented it to me and my boss last week. So I did get to express my thoughts on my job title and he got to see more of where I'm at these days. My boss doesn't really do much "bossing". I'm never sure if he really knows what's going on with my department anyway.

At any rate, my company also changed their policy on yearly reviews. Well, got rid of them actually, stating that "reviews should be ongoing". Which is bullshit. That's crap really. I can't really trust my boss to do such a thing. Since they got rid of annual reviews, they also decided to change salary/raises to July. So I thought maybe, just maybe. I'd have a slim chance of a promotion in July. Very disappointing.

THis is something hat my boss said he'd like to move me into a designer position. This is something that at one point I thought was a sure thing, and then it never came to be.

Also my company does not want to invest in those w/o degrees. So I'm not sure if they'll ever pay for me to go to a seminar. I feel so stuck, if I leave this company, I will have to start at the bottom at some other firm. Hoping they'll notice I'm a hard worker, and pay attention to me. Seems like wishful thinking to me.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011
10:11 am
MDF/memorial weekend

Maryland Deathfest was again, an absolute blast. It's what I needed, a mini escape from every day life! Got to see some amazing bands, people I only see once a year, and even someone who recognized me from elementary school! That was a damn shock! I also drank a ton more than I normally do since we stayed in the city this year. Although the hotel was a bit farther from the festival than we realized. I think my legs finally stopped hurting today.

Monday didn't pan out to actually be very relaxing at all. After I got home I got a call from the cruise line that's hosting the 70,000 tons of metal cruise. Yes, I'm going on a heavy metal cruise!!! At any rate, my crew and I were apparently two payments late unbeknownst to me. The guy that booked us didn't really read any of the contract or payment schedule. Claiming he never received it, I seriously doubt that. I think he just assumed it was "the same" as last year or something. So I spent a few hours trying to call or message my hungover MDF friends to get shit straight. Once I got that figured out, I started hearing about what happened at MDF after I left. Apparently the security guards starting using pepper spray and beating people after I left. Some of my friends were hurt, some of them got maced for no reason! This is unacceptable and quite scary! From what I understand there wasn't a riot of any sort!

I had a conversation with my mom before last weekend. And she said to me "watch out for those metalheads!". I laughed and said, "Mom, it's not them I have to look out for, it's everybody else.". It's a damn shame that turned out to be true.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, May 20th, 2011
10:52 am

So I called my doctors office since I havent heard a peep in three weeks, and guess what?! She has left me messages on the patient hotline. There is a difference between telling a patient "I will call you" and leaving me a message. To me anyway! But I digress, my heart monitor and echo cardiogram turned out normal, my blood tests turned out normal.

So yet again, my suspicions are rising about my digestive system. Got that appointment in one week.

Also I went to the dentist last week for a check up, and she said "remember those spots I said might develop into cavities last year?? Well you have cavities now". Don't remember a conversation that I had a year ago first of all, and second of all I have tried my hardest to take care of my teeth. I'm frustrated that I'm going to have to get more cavities filled.

I also got a message from the MINI service manager while I was away asking me what I'd like to do about my car. This is while I've been waiting to hear back from him for over a week. I promptly reminded him Of how I feel about the car. And told him that I'm not interested in purchasing an extended warranty for repairs they should be owning up to. So now I'm waiting on a response again. The bottom line is that they are not going to offer to replace the engine. So an extended warranty is not going to cut it. I'd even prefer to trade in for a new 2011 MINI. Maybe that seems weird, but I love the car, and they are typically dependable. I dont think my car was ever the same after that post-pennsic accident.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, April 22nd, 2011
7:08 pm
So much for taking the Zifaxan, I had an allergic reaction to it when I took it this morning. I got extremely dizzy and fatigued, then my tongue and throat started swelling. So I called my doctor to notify, took a pepic ac (has the wonderful ingredients same as benadryl), went home and passed out. I've been in and out of sleep all afternoon, and missed my lab appointment to get bloodwork done. I guess I'll try and do that tomorrow morning.

I do feel a bit better, but not there yet. Got some gatorade headed my way when the roommate gets home.

I think I am getting confined to my room until then because one of the cats is pissed off and crying again about not liking his food, or something.

Current Mood: exhausted
8:59 am
Health Update

I had my echo cardiogram this week which turned out fine. What I didn't know was that I wouldn't be seeing my doctor, just the technician. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and went across the hall to make an appointment with my gastro doc. I had that appointment yesterday morning. He decided since I've had this problem with my digestive system before, to put me on this drug called Xifaxan. It will reset my intestines and tummy along with probiotics. So far I can tell the difference. I just hope things do not become...unpleasant.

I made an appointment for next week to get the heart monitor because that symptom has not really dissipated very much. I hope that this will help, but it seems doubtful to me for some reason. I just want it to stop though. If they can't figure it out, then what's next??

So this weekend is kindred meeting, family time (hopefully not involving guilt trips), and tribal cafe to see Mortifera perform.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011
4:59 pm
Unsolved mystery

Went to he doctor today for the cardiogram and my heart looks normal but is up to 100 bpm.


My lung issue mysteriously stopped suddenly on Sunday I woke up feeling non-hurty.

But my digestive problems continue, and my heart continues on beating with a fury.

I did not see my doctor today though, so I went across the hall to make an appointment with my gastro for thursday.

I want this issue solved asap. And to stop worrying and crying myself to sleep as it's been hard for me to even fall asleep feeling pain, jittery, and just generally uncomfortable.

Ive also lost at least 5 lbs too.

I'm so frustrated this all seems to be leading nowhere.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, April 15th, 2011
10:13 am
Good and bad

Got my bloodwork results today which are normal. I am not anemic and no thyroid problems. This is good, but...

I am still having all the symptoms, I feel hyped up all the time. My left lung is still stiff and funky feeling. I do not feel sick in any way otherwise.

I wonder if it's possible that I cracked a rib or something when I fell down the stairs?? I didn't start having discomfort until a few days after the fall though. I also conclude that I would probably be in a lot more pain? Yes?

At any rate I have the echo cardiogram on Tuesday, and will continue my life in a semi normal fashion until then. I have a tattoo session tomorrow, and I'm going to see Overkill tonight.

Other things going on I will post about later.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011
11:47 am
Strange dreams

Yesterday morning I had a dream that I was at a Danzig concert with a majority of my metalhead girlfriends and Dirk. Dirk was wearing the most sparkly outfit my mind could conjure, black and jewel tone. I think it was from seeing Suckerpunch on Sunday. I spent my morning thinking about this dream while getting ready for work.

Then when I got in my car to leave, the first song that came on my ipod was Danzig.

Very strange. And typically I don't have much memory of my dreams, or even know that I had any.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Monday, April 11th, 2011
4:00 pm

I feel like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop lately.

1. I was rear ended last weekend on my way home from the big awesome Joann's in fair lakes. I didn't see any visible damage at all, so I let the guy go without us exchanging info. Turns out it's more damaged than I thought, kinda bummed at my decision, by there's not much I can do now. It would cost a butt-load of money to get it fixed.

2. I fell down a flight of stairs at work last week. Lost my footing and went tumbling on down. I ended up grabbing onto the handrail with both hands and my body yanked down but I managed to not fall head first. Next day I felt like I had been in a car accident, my knees are still pretty bruised, but it's been a week now.

3. I had to go to the doctor today because y heart has been beating too fast and I keep getting light headed and woozy. I also woke up with sharp pains in my lungs today. She says it's from inflammation in the ribcage could be he onset of a virus/cold but no way to tell. I had an EKG, blood drawn, and I have to go back for a cardiogram. It's pretty freaky, and could really be from anything. But I doubt it's stress because I'm not really stressed out. My mom has hyperthyroidism, but I can't even know if I'm susceptible to that. So I'm kind of at a loss, and there isn't anything I can do about the pain except take aleve.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, July 16th, 2010
7:54 am
Help! What should I do?
I  bought my tickets for Hostile City Deathfest last night, a 3-day show in Philly.

But I bought the wrong ones.  I bought a two day pass that's for Friday & Sunday, not Saturday & Sunday.  Who'd go Friday & Sunday??? I just think that's totally wierd.  I watched myself place the goddamn order.

I was hoping to call Ticketfly, but here's their return policy:

What is Ticketfly's Refund and Exchange policy?


All sales are final, unless the event is cancelled, rescheduled, or significantly changed.


Before purchasing tickets, carefully review your event and seat choices. Policies set forth by our clients, including venues, teams and theaters, generally prohibit Ticketfly from issuing exchanges or refunds after a ticket has been purchased or for lost, stolen, damaged or destroyed tickets. You agree that you will not attempt to evade, avoid, or circumvent those prohibitions in any manner with regard to tickets you purchased. Without limiting the generality of the foregoing, you will not contact Ticketfly to seek a refund or exchange from Ticketfly when Ticketfly is prohibited from providing one by its clients, and you will not dispute or otherwise seek a “chargeback” from the company whose credit card you used to purchase tickets from the Site. Should you do so, your tickets may be cancelled, and Ticketfly may, in its sole discretion, refuse to honor pending and future ticket purchases made from all credit card accounts or online accounts on which such chargebacks have been made, and may prohibit all persons in whose name the credit card accounts exist and any person who accesses any associated online account or credit card or who otherwise breaches this provision from using the Site.



What the hell.  Not to mention their website is confusing as hell, and you have to type in your information everytime.

Current Mood: FURIOUS!!!
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010
8:03 am
Writer's Block: Too mainstream
If you've been following a relatively obscure band and they start to become popular, do you tend to lose interest at some point? Is mainstream appeal a turn off when it comes to music?

Not necessarily, they may already be full of themselves, just as long as they don't start sucking! 

It was pretty strange watching how huge Opeth got in the States.  The last time I went to see Opeth was @ 930 Club a couple years ago, it was one of the first times I actually felt kinda out of my element?  I mean old!  I was surrounded by young adults, hipsters, and teenagers!!!  I'm looking around going "That girl can drink???"

Mainstream appeal is not really a turn off, I just dislike most pop music, country, rap and hip hop already!  It has no appeal what-so-ever!

Current Mood: groggy
Saturday, June 26th, 2010
5:29 pm

Current Mood: amused
Monday, June 14th, 2010
8:21 am
Still no idea what's going on with my stomach.  I started taking zantac over the weekend so that I could actually eat w/o getting sick.  Doesn't seem to matter what I eat, I still am running to the bathroom.

So being allergic to something seems out.  I don't really eat a lot of foods with preservatives.

I don't eat much bread, and it is most unlikely that I've become allergic to "glueton" (as some idiot spelled it on FB).

I just really, really hope this gastro-doc can help me figure it out.  I have an appointment at 1 pm today.  Which took a LOT of fanagling just to get.  Fuckers.

I also really, really want to get my tattoo this Friday.

AND, I really, really want some coffee, but cannot do that right now.

Current Mood: curious
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